But The Dream Is Over Now
by TexasTurtleFan
Summary: An out of order telling of a doomed romance. Love turns to hate. Passion to resentment.  Would it have worked if she tried harder? If he had just told her the truth, could this fairy tale have ended happily. Sad to say, no one will never know.


_I got this idea when I was watching the third turtle movie and noticed how close April and Raph are. I mean, when the guys are being threatened with a cannon, Raph has his arms around her from behind, in a sort of intimate hug. Raph is also way more upset about April being kidnapped and held captive than the other guys. Anyway, my imagination got away from me and I started this plot that throughout the three movies, she and Raph had something going on and that's why the obvious chemistry between them. Then it sort of mutated into this._

_Needless to say, I don't own them because Raph would kill me for what I'm about to put him through._

_

* * *

_

She didn't remember when it started, how good it felt in the middle. She didn't remember why it ended, what had sparked the explosion of their downward spiral, their crash and burn. She didn't even remember the last time he didn't look at her with anger.

She did her best not to let on that he had her attention as much as she had his. Casey, or any other human at the event for that matter, may not have noticed her distraction on the "happiest day of her life", but Mike, Don, Splinter, or her current dance partner, Leo, would have not only noticed but would have pieced together the reason for the distraction, the person glaring at her so intently and from there, it would have been a short trip to realization. Then she would have to face the truth, her skeleton released from the closet, their sordid secret.

For several years, in fact almost up to this day, some may feel that even today, April O'Neil-Jones, had been having an affair with Raphael.

It was not an affair in the way everyone else would have used the term. After all, she and Raphael were together before she even looked at Casey. She didn't cheat on her love with another who could never fulfill her the way he did for no other reason than to hurt him. She didn't go to Raph in a moment of need and end up betraying Casey by sleeping with his best friend. She could never do that to Casey.

Mostly because she had already done it to Raphael.

And for that, she supposed she deserved his heated glare.

The reception ended and, if only for a moment, she was back in a wedding dress, married to an amazing man, saying goodbye to friends and family, hearing the best wishes for a happy future.

Left with her final five guests and that moment was gone. Splinter looked at her, proud as if she were his own daughter. Mikey, the lovable little goof, slapped Casey on the back telling him that he has an amazing woman that no one is good enough to deserve and gave him the supportive advice of "don't screw it up". Casey laughed and promised to try. She blushed at the compliment, but looked away, unable to take the caring looks she didn't deserve. Leo hugged her and shook Casey's hand, congratulating them both and giving a Japanese blessing. Then he rewarded them with one of his rare, warm smiles.

It's a moment before she can bear to look up at the final member of the family. She waited along with everyone else for his blessing.

He puts on a grin and chuckles, sharing some vague joke with Casey. The two rap knuckles and share a punch in the arm. A hug is just too much of a display for them, even on this day. But this was enough for them both and was therefore enough for everyone else.

He gave a half grin and gave his congratulations. His voice was warm, his eyes void of that contempt that had filled them for so long.

"Congrats, Mrs. Jones. Finally got what you always wanted, huh?"

He and the others walk away. He never looked at her, never looked back, had not seen her to begin with. He hadn't looked at her for over five years. And for the first time, she was glad he never looked back. She couldn't have answered him if he did.

* * *

The entire farm was blanketed in a fog, thick enough to obscure vision but not enough to weigh down anything out and about in the late hours of the night, such as the young bride in her old New York sweats.

She loved this kind of night. Maybe it came from so many years with a ninja, but the darkness and solitude called out to her.

And she wasn't the only one.

The boys wouldn't leave until morning and yet she was still surprised to see Raph leaning against the tree near the lake.

After some serious mental debate, she sighed and went towards him.

"Hey April."

"Hello Raphael."

He snorted and leveled her with a warning stare.

"Don't do that."

She uncrossed her arms and moved a little closer to him, finally looking him in the eye.

He was right. There was absolutely no reason to be that formal.

He didn't mean to snap at her. He didn't want to have a fight. He didn't want her to leave. He wanted to tell her something. He wanted to have a real conversation. Something important would be said here.

She understood all of that in a heavy sigh and him finally meeting her gaze.

Some things never change.

"So, Mrs. Jones. That sound right to you?"

"Sounds different."

"Good different?"

She would later hate herself for the hesitation before responding. "Yes."

He nods slowly. "Good, I guess."

She had long ago given up trying to decipher Raph's limited vocabulary for subtext of his true feelings. He elaborates if he feels it's necessary anyways.

"You really think Case is gonna make you happy?"

What did he care? "Of course."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"What makes you so sure he'll make you happy?"

He really wanted to know. That was almost sweet.

Why?

"He's… Casey. He loves me."

"What about you?"

She didn't want to answer this.

"Do you love Case?"

She really didn't want to answer this.

"Of course. I married him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love Casey."

She couldn't answer this question. She begged him not to ask.

"Do you love him the way you love me?"

"Raph, I'm not going to compare you two."

"Is it the same?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Or did you love me at all?"

She looked away, unable to stand that gaze anymore. "That's not fair, Raph."

He sighed, taking a respectful step back.

"No. Guess it isn't."

Blinking back whatever had made her look away, She met his eyes once more.

"No. It isn't fair Raphael. You ended this just as much as I did."

His eyes searched hers for a while, waiting for her to take it back.

But she wouldn't. It was time to accept it. Whatever they had once had was over. There was nothing left to salvage. And he needed to realize that. She may have walked away, but he pushed her.

Raph swallowed hard, seeing it, finally seeing it. She watched his eyes finally recognize it.

Unable to take this anymore, she tried to run. But she only managed a few steps before standing, rooted to the spot, her arms wrapped around herself.

He gently took her arm and turned her to face him. She couldn't lift her eyes to meet his, not after last night. Whether he understood or just thought she hated the very sight of him, he didn't make her look at him. A heavy sigh came before his words.

"Didn't want it to end like this."

She sighed heavily as his hand gently brushed the hair from her face. Unable to help herself, she leaned her face into his hand, closing her eyes, breathing deeply the smell of oil, sweat, and leather that clung so stubbornly to his hands.

"I didn't want it to end at all."

All too soon, his hand was gone from her face. Instead he took her hand, turning it over until her ring shone hatefully at them both.

He separated her fingers, grabbing at the ring. She held her breath, praying for his next action, unsure of what she wanted it to be.

The ring barely moved up before he became completely immobile. With a sharp decisive breath, he pushed the ring back on further then he had moved it in the first place.

She would later hate herself for feeling disappointed.

He closed her hand, holding it in both of his, looking her in the eyes.

And they both know that she could just easily follow through on the action he backed out of.

And that she can't.

"Casey." He mutters.

She nodded.

"Love him that much, huh?"

She nodded.

He let go.

She watched him stand against the darkness, wanting to reach for him, knowing he's too far away.

"Bye April."

As she watched him walk away, panic enveloped her. She had to say something. Whatever it was, she had to say it now. She reached out, knowing this will be her last chance to tell him.

"Raph." She grabbed his arm and he stopped but didn't turn around.

"For what it's worth, I did love you."

She knows he heard the past tense. Both know that wasn't a mistake.

He gently places his hand over hers still on his arm.

She remembers all those times he held her. All those nights they spent together. All the times he made her laugh. How often he could make the world seem better by being in it. All the rainy days he brightened with a cocky smile. All their talks over beer in her kitchen. All the movies they watched when there was nothing better to do. All the times he could surprise her despite how well she knew him. All the nights she sat up late, afraid that his next battle would be his last. All the times he went missing. All the tears she shed when she thought he would never come back. How amazing he looked when he did come back. All the times he would crawl through her window just so they could talk. How much she offered her soul to him. All the things he wouldn't tell her. All the secrets. The final one that drove her away. How furious she was when she realized that they had been doomed from the start. How much she hated him for making her believe that they could last. How she had deliberately hurt him. How she used others to hurt him. How much she wanted him to hurt. How painful it was to watch him hurt. How much she wanted to take it back. All the reasons she knew she couldn't. How she had tried to tell him all that by saying that she used to love him.

He pushed her hand away, never again looking her in the eye.

"Ain't enough April."

He walked away.

For years she would look back on this moment and wonder if he knew too. She would wonder how did she know that would be the last time she would ever see him?

* * *

_There is more to this. Is it worth continuing?_


End file.
